Many of you who have been beaking up on Chirp About It have a certain kind of heat on your minds.

(Side note: chill out with the stalking, New Yorkers, it’s just plain creepy!)

So our team hit the town and did a little research of our own.

If you’re tired of being alone – at least for tonight – take a look at the bars below.


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Union Pool

We start at a hookup standard: Union Hall in Williamsburg.  Taco truck?  Check.  Cheap booze?  Check.  Heat lamps on the outdoor patio? Check.  Baby-making music sounding over a great dance floor?  Check.  Fire pits and live bands and a generally massive space?  Check check check.  A great place for unassuming conversation with strangers, one of whom you’ll probably end up going home with.  In a neighborhood that goes through iterations like a cat goes through lives, it’s good to see that some things endure.

Be prepared: To check your pretentiousness at the door.

Neighborhood: Williamsburg


Le Bain

If you’ve ever been to the Andy Warhol wet dream that is the Standard Hotel on Sunset Drive in Los Angeles, you might have an idea of what this Standard Hotel High Line venue offers.  World-renowned DJs, an inviting hot tub, and of course an NYC twist: panoramic views of the best skyline in the world.  The clientele is fashionable, monied, and if you play your cards right, ready to embrace California free love mores.  

Be prepared: for a Hollywood style brush off, as admission is not guaranteed, even to hotel guests.  Yuck … unless you get in.

Neighborhood: Meatpacking District (pun intended)


Southside

This Little Italy basement club has all the ingredients for a successful evening out on the town: a bumping DJ booth, a jam-packed dance floor, beautiful bodies, and flowing booze.  Once you find your partner, segue to the nearby for a preview of the night to come.  The crowd at Southside is dressed to the nines; think Wall Street employees looking to let off steam and aspiring models looking for a good time.

Be prepared: Bring earplugs if you have sensitive ears, because the massive speakers freaking blast music.  (Skip the earplugs if you want to get laid.)

Neighborhood: Little Italy (aka New Chinatown)


Home Sweet Home

On the other side of the spectrum from clubby Southside, take a trip to Home Sweet Home, a quirky LES bar for an eclectic crowd.  Celebrate the diverse and the nerdy and the pierced at this comfortable watering hole.  Beware: the taxidermy decor won’t put you in the mood.  But fear not, the Friday night soul music most certainly will.   

Be Prepared: to quickly turn your head to avoid hearing what happened during the most recent Doctor Who episode that you DVR’d.

Neighborhood: Lower East Side


Turtle Bay

There’s something soul-crushingly lame about an establishment that touts itself as the “Number One Hookup Bar in NYC” with a sign near its entrance and proclamations plastered all over its website.  There’s something self-fulfilling about it, too. The young Midtown party crowd flies into Turtle Bay to … well … hook up.  Top 40, striped collared shirts, ass-hugging pants, pickup lines recycled from Entourage.  But hey, whatever works, right?

Be Prepared: to feel dumber … then hornier.

Neighborhood: Midtown (literally and figuratively)


Black Rabbit

Ah, the Black Rabbit in Greenpoint.  Wash the taste of turtle out of your mouth with excellent, cheap drinks and top-notch conversation with a wonderful array of patrons.  This is an interesting, artsy crowd, so your one-liners and dance moves will probably matter less than, you know, the words that come out of your shot hole.  Think of conversation as foreplay here.  A great atmosphere all around.

Be Prepared: to discuss the Bechdel test vis-a-vis early American cinema

Neighborhood: Greenpoint


The Cock

It felt unfair to neglect the LGBT community with this list.  It also seems unfair that the LGBT community has so many, many, many more great hookup bars, so if you’re going to complain about the token representation, stop it right there, friends.  You’ve already won …

The Cock: a classic within the East Village gay bar scene and a place where clientele can include just about anybody looking for a fabulous, easy time.  A constant party in all the right places.

Be prepared: to blow your load right on the dance floor, or at the least see others do so.  

Neighborhood: East Village


 


So there you have it, our top NYC hookup bars.  

But let’s be honest, we couldn’t hit all the options in the City That Never Sleeps in a thousand years.  

So we want to hear from you, Chirpers.  Beak up and share your favorite #NYChookupbars.  One of you can receive a free t-shirt, sticker, and $#@!  (Must be logged in to qualify.)